Questions to answer

Who are you?
I am a young man who has a dream to become a doctor. One who never fails to smile every day. But right now Im going through the toughest trial in my life so far. Honestly I can say that I'm completely lost right now. Love is such a difficult thing to tackle. I completely lost myself in the relationship. I thought that I had it all that I knew it all and then, in a moments notice I lost it all. I am currently just a sad man with a broken heart. I am still passionate however right now a lot of my attention has been channeled through healing myself and growing and maturing. Losing the love of my life was the most painful moment of my life. However I found out that I shouldn't fight myself to let go of her. If I believe that I shouldn't let go of her, then I shouldn't. I means that there wasn't closure. For now I will believe in myself and my ability to become me. She fell in love with me for being me. I believe that she will again. However I have so much trouble waiting. It's been twenty six days since the break up and eleven days since I last saw her. Currently she is very disappointed in me. Yet I can't understand why she is. Girls are mysterious sometimes. She wants space and so I'm giving it to her. It's scary that I don't understand what's happening. Each day I pray to keep strong, but also to keep her strong. I know that though she may look strong, on the inside she needs help just as much as anyone else. It breaks my heart again to think of her in such a state. Especially in a case where it was my fault. All in all I am currently a broken man trying to mend his wounds. I will not give up on her. Giving up is the easy route, however chasing after her shows her that I care. I am a man who will not give up. This may be hard, tears may fall but I am not giving up.

What are you passionate about?
that's actually a really good question. I'm not exactly sure I know the answer to this. I am passionate about myself. About laughter and smiling. Giving myself to others such that they may be happier. I want to be more selfless. I am passionate about my love. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too passionate. Currently my passion is to better myself. To reflect on myself as a person and to reevaluate my life.

What are the achievements you are most proud of?
I don't know if I have any? Getting eagle scout rank in boy scouts. Buying her the first rose I have ever bought. Showing love, showing persistence. But most of all, always being able to smile and brighten someone else's day. No matter the situation I will always smile for someone else. Because if my smile can make someone's day better, I would never hold back.

What are you most grateful for in life?
honestly I have so much luck in my life. So many times I could have lost my life or been seriously hurt. But instead I'm always saved by a hairbreadth. Meeting her was by far one of the best days of my life. Getting lost in her brown grey eyes and seeing how beautiful she was. She was definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. So meeting her would be the most grateful thing. After that, my parents for taking care of me even now. For being so supportive of me and loving me.

What are the most important things to you in life?
the happiness of others. I sound ridiculous by saying this but ultimately I would have someone else be happy over me. I hate the pain and the intolerable life, however seeing someone smile makes my day everyday. Though love is amazing, a smile means a lot to me. It hurts to say this because I'm having such a difficult time getting through this. However I am doing all this so that I can see her smile again. I will do anything, anything... To see her smile again and to see her laugh again.

How would you describe yourself?
currently I would say that I'm a very sad man right now with a lot of conflicts. Living my day moment by moment, not by choice but by necessity. I'm a pessimistic optimist. No matter the situation, I can always smile and laugh. Not to hide it but because in the end I'm happy for life. I am very much in love and very broken hearted. I am kind and forgiving. No matter how much you wrong me, I will always forgive you. I value myself a lot, but try to put others before me. I am scared of change, but when I let it happen life turns out for the better. I'm easy going and usually stress free, however recent turns of events prove to be different. I'm struggling each day. However I live each day because it's another day closer to when I can finally see her again.

What are your values? What do you represent? What do you want to embody?
my values are honesty and happiness. I represent that no matter the struggle, it is always possible to put on a smile and live on. I'm not sure what the last question means.

So most of what Im going to say is pertaining to a heartbreak that I'm recovering from. It's only been a couple weeks since it happened and been a rough year. Not sure where to go from here. Its very hard trying to fix myself. there are lot of things that I dont understand about a relationship and its my time to explore them now.

the beginning

First post here today. I'm thinking about keeping this blog as something to reflect on my time. Gotta say that life is tough. So many struggles here and there, and I'm finally here at the lowest of lows. 2012 is quite a difficult year so far. I wonder when things will get better.